Hello beautiful loves, welcome to my first journal entry here! 

✨ I feel everything we do has an effect on us. The things we practice, what we entertain ourselves with, those we spend time with, food we put into our bodies, it can all better our state of being physically, spiritually, emotionally(👈🏽I feel like that one gets left out a lot) and mentally. 😌 That being said, it can also have the opposite effect, it can be unhealthy, break us down or drain us. 

I have shared on my story a few times with you guys about going to therapy but I’m going to go a little more in depth in writing because somehow that’s easier. 

I’ve been seeing my therapist once a week for almost a year now. Sometimes I think therapy gets a bad name, or someone else can tell you what therapy is before you even have a chance to figure out if you like it or not. Most of the time that person probably hasn’t had any experience with it or maybe the only one they did have was a bad one. Growing up I thought it meant something was seriously wrong with you if you “needed” to go to a therapist. 

But regardless of thinking that I made an appointment because I felt a huge knot in my stomach like something big was going to change and I didn’t know who I could  talk to about it. At the time I thought I had no friends or family I could open up to without judgment or being hurtful. For me it was the best thing I could’ve done because I had a safe space I could be completely vulnerable and be able to tear my walls down in. Each week I get to be brutally honest with myself and my feelings. Notice how I said get to be and not have to be :) because I’ve learned that it’s something to look forward to. Sometimes the mind can talk us out of how we feel because if it’s not “happy” we shouldn’t feel it or we should get over it as quickly as possible.  

I felt reassured that what I was feeling was perfectly normal, I’ve gotten some really useful tools for standing up for myself, finding my voice and understanding how to be the best me always 💜 if you know me well you probably know what I’m taking about and have been able to see a change in me (I hope ;) through this year. I have found the people in my life that I can open up with and the ones that are really there for me, thanks for showing up for me and for your love. Parts of me have shown up that I never knew were there, strength, endurance and a willpower to survive through the struggle to see the other side, “the view from the top of the mountain” if you will. I didn’t know this level of self care was attainable, I feel like my daily practices (all the joy growing things, Yoga, hiking, rituals, meditation etc)  paired with being totally honest and getting to take a good look at my own sh*t once a week has healed so much of me. I can’t say enough good things about therapy :) also Therapy comes in many forms, painting, singing, creating, writing, running, Yoga, nature, puppies 🦄

• I mentioned in my last post, one of my worries is feeling alone. There have been a couple times this year when I (thought) i had no one to call or turn to, feeling utterly and hopelessly alone. If you get anything out of this post I hope that it’s realizing you’re not alone and you never are. We may not think of it in those moments but there’s always someone out there who cares and loves you, even in your darkest moments, someone who will answer your call. So reach out to your loved ones and friends or even acquaintances for support. Because who knows maybe they’re one call away from being your best friend? What are we here for if not to show love and compassion to one another, to learn and grow as we support each other through the good and the bad. I want you to know that you’re normal and that everyone goes through their own personal struggles. If you choose to feel it and move through it you will grow and learn a whole lot more than letting fear help you push it under the rug and deny it’s existence entirely because you’ll do anything not to feel it. It doesn’t go away, it’ll fester and get bigger until it smacks you in the face again and demands to be recognized and felt. Have patience with yourself, practice kindness towards your soft heart, breathe and let love in every way you can. If anyone needs a recommendation for a badass goddess warrior therapist in Northern California, SF and east bay, message me 🖤

I love you ✨ thanks for reading :)

leave a comment with your experience in therapy, your thoughts or use this space to introduce yourself to connect with myself and others :)